Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Ghosts bygone

Ever move through a day chased down by people and places that don't exist anymore?

I meant to post about these new hamburger muffins I discovered, or perhaps about how with the coming of warmth and blossoms, spring also brings an abundance of dog hair, as my puppies shed their heavy winter coats.

But what has been on my mind all day is a conversation Paul and I had early this morning. I asked a question, he shared an opinion counter to mine, and I walked away. My husband had spoken. He had stated his thoughts, and somehow mine no longer mattered. (***Disclaimer: this gets better!! My husband is not a domineering man, hold out to the end and don't envision hitting him with sticks!***)

I come from a time and a place where that type of situation is normal. And by "come" I mean that my grandmother grew up that way. It's terribly southern of me to concede to the men in my life. And it's odd that that is my default given that while my momma may have been raised that way, and certainly instilled many of her rich traditions in me, that was not one of them. I was always treasured, and my female mind was nurtured and developed.

So what? I have a quirky southern habit. But today, I bottled up my thoughts, swallowed my frustration and hurt, and worked around my husband. And that is not okay.

That is not how Paul and I do marriage. And when that finally hit today, I shed all my hurt and tears in his general direction...where he reminded me that we were having a conversation not a monologue.

Why in my tired state could I not respond to his comment? What made me silence my thoughts and walk away as though my husband would ever tell me what to do?

I've been reading Amazing Grace and Ms. Norris has some interesting thoughts about spiritual inheritances - sins of the fathers and generational accomplishments and the like. And the section I was reading today said this:

"Blood inheritance - and by that I mean not a genetic code but the family milieu in which one is raised - is not a curse that renders us helpless, but unless we recognize the patterns, and make choices other than the ones that have caused our families pain for generations, we are doomed to repeat them."

It's interesting, and mind boggling, and unquestioningly comforting that these generational marks are a real part of life. And becoming aware of them, working through them (as you only can in a marriage), gives us the opportunity to choose new habits. To perpetuate truth for ourselves and our families.

So, we're going on a Kentucky adventure this weekend. I wonder what else hidden in my personality will come out??

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